The Art of The Thank-You Note

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Hello & happy third Monday of April!

Francesca, where were you last week? I thought you said this was a weekly newsletter (no one is actually asking themselves this, remember the key to happiness = being self-aware). Well, my internet friends, last week’s newsletter was going to come out on Tuesday (because I am really good at time management) which turned into Thursday. Then, while dragging the audio files of my Paper Person interview with my lifelong best friend, Maggie, onto my desktop, I deleted the file. I always thought podcasters were lying when they said “yeah I accidentally deleted the recorded voice call with the person I was interviewing, and now I can’t retrieve the file”, but apparently, they were telling the truth! I haven’t told Maggie this yet, but she’s a loyal reader, so I will soon be getting a text from her. Fortunately, most of the interview was already transcribed and fortunately, I have a creepy good long-term memory. Next week, you’ll be getting BOGO newsletters. Don’t say I never gave you anything.

This week is Petty Paper week. And I am pontificating about one of my most favorite topics - the thank-you note. I firmly believe that having good manners is one the easiest yet most important life skills one can have. A very smart woman who I used to work with has four of the most well-mannered children/teenagers I’ve ever met. And they aren’t performative about it - they don’t turn it on and off depending on the setting. I complimented her on it, and she said, “I’ve always told my kids - rich or poor, educated or uneducated if you have good manners, you can walk into any room.” That always stuck with me. And while sending a thank-you note isn’t exactly solving world hunger, I do believe it servers a very important purpose. We all would live in a better world if people felt valued and appreciated for the good and kind gestures they do for others.

From my desk, to yours.

xo,

FP

The Art of The Thank-You Note

Have you ever wondered how to write a thank-you note without sounding trite? Have you ever thought to yourself, “Wow, this sounds so insincere and thoughtless” after transcribing a note of gratitude? Have you ever caught yourself quite literally just mailing it in because you weren’t blessed on thank-you note writing day with the spirit of Fitzgerald? Well, I am Franky Paper, and I am here to help.

Step 1: You write it.

This may seem a bit obvious, but you would be shocked at how few people write thank-you notes. Or worse, how many people send thank-you emails. “Oh, well this is just more earth-friendly”. Miss me with that, sweetie. I love the planet (not the outdoors - she’s an indoor gal, through and through) and I own a paper company. You can buy recycled paper from carbon-neutral companies that print with soy ink (aka Festa Paper). You can have good manners without harming the earth — Greta Thunberg would agree. But seriously, if you receive a gift, someone writes you a letter of recommendation, does you a favor, or just does you any type of solid, you send them a handwritten thank-you note. I make the rules, okay?!

Step 2: Acknowledge, first.

When writing a thank-you note, there’s no need for the “How are you?” as an opener. Sure, it’s perfectly nice to inquire, but a thank-you note isn’t a pen pal letter. The recipient isn’t writing you back. If they do, power move. They alpha-ed you by thanking you for the thank-you. But seriously, just get to the point. There is no need to be cute.

"Dear Mr. and Mrs. Parker-James,

Thank you for the delicious bottle of Parker Knoll Cabernet to celebrate Festa Paper’s first birthday! I was both surprised and touched by the thoughtful gesture.”

If you don’t understand The Parent Trap reference, unsubscribe (kidding, please don’t). But let’s say that Nick Parker and Elizabeth James, my close, personal friends, sent me a bottle of their estate vintage to celebrate a milestone in my life. I break out my pen and say thank you right away. No fluff.

Step 3: Paint the picture.

I huge miss in the art of thank-you note writing is not selling it. I know I previously mentioned not wanting to sound insincere, so I am not trying to contradict myself, but you have to sell it! No one wants to gift someone something only told be told “Thanks so much, it’s great!”. No, they want to be dazzled by your use of the gift. That makes them feel appreciated and happy that they did something nice for you! We all want to feel seen, validated, and appreciated — especially when we do kind things for others. Yes, you don’t give with expectations, but we are all human. We all crave acknowledgment, not showy acknowledgment, but simple recognition for kind gestures...unless you’re really modest. In which case, I cannot relate. Happy for you. When I am appreciated for doing kind things, it makes me want to do more kind things. So, how do you paint the picture?

“My family is getting together for dinner in a few weeks, and I’ve decided that I will be in a generous mood that day. This past year has taught me that any occasion that we can be with those we love is a special one. I can’t think of a better setting to enjoy your beautiful bottle of wine.”

I am being genuine without being a total brown-noser with a hidden agenda. No one needs or wants to hear that their gift changed your life forever or that they’re the most thoughtful person they’ve ever met. That is weird and too much. You can say thank you in a very thoughtful way without being suffocating with adoration. You can also be charming about it. I tease that I have decided in advance to be generous. This also implies that I know that the bottle they sent me is a pinkies-up type of beverage. Again, sell it, baby!

Step 4: Tie the bow.

Finish out with a nice sentiment. This should be simple, but not trite. Also, if you’re like me and have a dying need to garner even the slightest of chuckles from others, this is where you write the joke. You’re only allowed one, if that, per thank-you note. And if you’re not funny, live your truth and sit this one out. Most thank-you note jokes are dad-joke adjacent, not stand-up adjacent.

“Again, thank you for thinking of me and Festa Paper! I hope one day I will have a company as well respected as Parker Knoll Vineyards and Elizabeth James Designs. And as always, I am available for tasting new releases and modeling the latest collections (I have poor posture, so probably just tastings if we’re being honest). Hope to see you both soon! My love to the girls.

xo,

Francesca”

I acknowledged that they have businesses that I look up to, without dragging on too much. I reference something that I have clearly made jokes about in the past — being a staff taster at the vineyard and being a model for wedding gowns despite my posture usually resembling that of a duck. Keeps it light. I close it out with the appropriate statement of hoping to see them in the future and saying hello to their children, thus hitting every touch-point. Thank-you notes should be simple, respectful, and light. Again, I make the rules.

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Parker-James,

Thank you for the delicious bottle of Parker Knoll Cabernet to celebrate Festa Paper’s first birthday! I was both surprised and touched by the thoughtful gesture.

My family is getting together for dinner in a few weeks, and I’ve decided that I will be in a generous mood that day. This past year has taught me that any occasion that we can be with those we love is a special one. I can’t think of a better setting to enjoy your beautiful bottle of wine.

Again, thank you for thinking of me and Festa Paper! I hope one day I will have a company as well respected as Parker Knoll Vineyards and Elizabeth James Designs. And as always, I am available for tasting new releases and modeling the latest collections (I have poor posture, so maybe just the tastings?). Hope to see you both soon! My love to the girls.

xo,

Francesca

DO NOT DO THE FOLLOWING:

  • Send a thank-you note that reads. “Dear Francesca, thank you for the gift! I love it. Love, Lucy”. Are you kidding me? Delete my name and address from your phone.

  • Post on Instagram thanking me for the gift with a photo of said gift without having personally reached out to me with a call or text. This one really makes my blood boil. Why do you need to show the world that you have nice friends?! Why do you need to show the world that you have nice friends, WITHOUT TELLING THE NICE FRIENDS THAT THEY ARE NICE?! Kids these days.

  • Send a thank-you note that is typed but the name is handwritten. Oh, so you’re telling me that you’re using the cute, but overpriced picture frame I got you the same way you’re using the tool belt your husband registered for? Interesting.

  • Send out a group text for a group gift and not follow up with a thank-you note in the mail. Your mom would be less than pleased, I can promise you that.

Listen, I’m not trying to shame anyone. None of us are perfect and I’d like to believe that we are all just trying to do our best. But, please, for me, stop thanking people via the internet for gifts that you quite literally requested (aka registered for). You’re better than that. I can also promise you if you do any of the above, Santa is not coming to town the next time you register for something.

You’re doing great, sweetie! Cheers!

Have a wonderful week, my friends. xo

Francesca Pompili1 Comment