Paper People — Kathy (My Mom)
Hello & happy second Monday of March aka International Women’s Day!
I love being a woman. Sure the pay isn’t always great, you have to deal with a whole lot of middle-aged men telling you what you can and can’t do with your body, and you’re usually held to a higher standard, BUT, being a woman is a gift. I am reminded every single day of my life that I have choices because of the fearless women who came before me and fought for those choices - both in the big ways and the small, every-day ways. I am in awe of the women who were constantly told that they couldn’t live their lives the way they wanted solely because of their sex and still continued living their truth. There is always more work to be done, but my goodness, look at how far women have come.
So, in honor of International Women’s Day, my Paper Person interview this week is with my mother, Kathy. The baddest and kindest chick I know. My angel on earth. I hope that you enjoy reading our conversation.
Here’s to strong women - may we know them, may we be them, may we raise them.
From my desk, to yours.
xo,
FP
FP: Greetings, Mom. You're so excited.
KATHY: Kinda!
FP: Yeah you're so excited after I first asked you and were like, “Why? You sure you don't want to wait until Mother’s Day? What are you going to ask me?”
KATHY: [laughing]
FP: Would you like to introduce yourself? Who are you…? How do you know me…? That type of thing.
KATHY: Seriously?
FP: Yeah.
KATHY: What am I supposed to say?
FP: See! Oh my gosh “I’m excited! What am I supposed to say?!” Should I just start since you’re not going to introduce yourself?
KATHY: Okay! I’m your mother.
FP: That you are, sugar.
KATHY: You want my name?
FP: Please state your full name for the record. Do you want to sign for this package?
KATHY: Full name for the record, Your Honor. Kathy, Francesca’s mom.
FP: Okay. First question. What role would you say paper, namely, personal correspondence has played in your life?
KATHY: Personal correspondence, honestly, I break into a cold sweat when it comes to writing a thank-you note. I know it’s a nice thing...
FP: [in an accusatory tone] Oh really?! Because you make us break out into a cold sweat when you ask if we’ve written a thank-you note.
KATHY: I know, I know. But yes, a thank-you note is the right and proper and lovely thing to do and to receive. But, I struggle sometimes with how to say thank-you without the usual pedestrian tropes.
FP: Should I do a Petty Paper blog post about how to write a good thank-you note?
KATHY: Yeah, I’ve told you that! Creative ways to write your thanks to someone.
FP: Well you’re in luck because I already wrote one about just that. It’s set for next week.
KATHY: Good! Because yes, I sometimes struggle with making it sound meaningful and sincere...
FP: And not trite.
KATHY: Exactly. But paper in general - the role it’s played in my life - not too, too much. But I love fonts.
FP: Don’t I know it! Do you want to tell everyone what you said when I showed you ‘the Kathy’ for the first time?
Author’s Note: The Kathy, one of FP’s best sellers, is the stationery I designed, inspired by my mom.
KATHY: What did I say?
FP: “You’re gonna have to change that font”
KATHY: [laughing]
FP: And you know what? I did.
KATHY: It was personal computing. Way back in the dark ages when, however many years ago, that all began, fonts were a thing. And I actually remember buying a font package.
FP: It’s upstairs.
KATHY: Really? Wow.
FP: Yeah.
KATHY: I bought it for my early Mac because fonts are expressive! And just by the way they’ve been created, they set a tone. They’re atmospheric. They’re emotional. I love fonts, it’s an art form. Calligraphy of course, yes, is art. But type fonts are also an art form. So yeah, I appreciate that.
FP: “Fonts make me emotional” dash Kayne West dash dash Kathy Pompili.
KATHY: Pardon?
FP: Nothing. But I completely agree. I love fonts and the story they tell.
FP: What did you think when I first told you the idea for Festa Paper?
KATHY: Honestly, my memory is so bad that I don’t exactly remember…
FP: Good, good, good!!!!
KATHY: I mean, I remember. But I don’t necessarily remember the emotions associated with it.
FP: You and Dad were in his office talking about something, I came in and told you guys. Afterward, Dad goes, “I’m going to need you to explain that again.”
KATHY: [laughing]
FP: The number of times where I look back on my life and I think about conversations I've had with Dad where he's like really looking at me and seeing and hearing absolutely nothing, is quite high.
KATHY: What’s going on between those two ears of his? LA LA LA LA
FP: He's like, maybe if I just sit here, she'll stop talking. Like, if I sit here long enough she'll tire herself out.
KATHY: No, no, no! He’s thinking if he sits there long enough, maybe he will understand. You speak so fast! Your father and I tell you that all the time, and as dad likes to remind you, he’s ESL.
FP: Oh my gosh! He always uses that as a cop-out. He speaks English!
KATHY: He speaks better English, grammatically, than I do.
FP: Okay, don’t ever tell him that.
KATHY: [laughing] He knows it!
FP: Okay yeah but he needs to not know that. But anyway, so you really don’t remember? Any initial doubts? Concerns? You can tell me. This is a safe space.
KATHY: No, I mean, I wasn't gonna stand in your way and say no, don't do it. You obviously had an idea that you wanted to pursue and so, sure, go for it! I had no idea how to even counsel you on how to get there because what you've done is so out of my wheelhouse. And you've created something out of whole cloth that in one, well I know it took longer than one year, but I am so proud of you. Because you've taught yourself so, so much.
FP: Thank you, you can keep going.
KATHY: Yeah, sure, just tell me when to stop.
FP: [laughing]
KATHY: What you do is an art form. It’s business law, environmental law you had to look into, and regulations. There are just so many things that I really can’t even wrap my head around. There are just so many pieces that need to fall together to...
FP: Sell a greeting card.
KATHY: To sell a greeting card, to make Festa Paper work. And, you are completely self-taught. Because God knows you were not the star in Art in Action. Period. Do you want to tell the people about that?
FP: [laughing] I was never the star in anything! For as special as I think I am, I’m so aware of the fact that I am joyfully average in so many, actually most, things. I just really know how to sell it.
KATHY: [laughing]
FP: I mean, it’s true! I would even go so far as to say, below average in certain things. But, I just figure it out. Joyfully average.
KATHY: You should explain Art in Action.
FP: Sure, it was the thing at school where parents would graciously volunteer their time to teach a lesson about, wait for it, art. It would be a lesson based on a specific artist, technique, style, etc… And then we, the students, would do our own version of it. When I really think about it now, it's quite clever. And quite before its time.
KATHY: Oh definitely. It was started by a couple of gals in Menlo Park, I believe in the public school district. The son of a good friend of ours was in a young-fives class at the public kindergarten, and the program was at that school. And after she, Mrs. Winnkie, was introduced to it, she thought it was a phenomenal program. So when her son, Danny, went to kindergarten at Nativity, the school where you kids went, she sold it to the teachers and the principals. She organized it all, and eventually, I took it over after she was done. It was amazing - you kids truly learned art.
FP: I have such fond memories of it.
KATHY: I do too. So yeah, I don’t ever recall that being your place to shine.
FP: Because it wasn’t. I loved it, but I wasn’t the star.
KATHY: What I loved about it is that there were kids who might not have been the most robust academically in the classroom, but for some, it was their place to shine.
FP: And even if you didn’t shine, if you were a kinesthetic learner like myself, you thrived. It was so much fun.
KATHY: It was pure, Art in Action. It's, it's a pure expression of yourself. That can never be wrong. As a parent, it was very, very satisfying to do. It was also really, really fun. And I learned a lot. But getting back to you, since this is about you...
FP: This is actually about you, but okay.
KATHY: When you were in Rome for your semester abroad and had to take that art class, what was it called again?
FP: Figure drawing. I had to draw live nude models for 3 hours every week. I was awful.
KATHY: So bad. I remember you showing Dad and me that picture...
FP: Oh, my final project?
KATHY: [a tone of such shock and second-hand embarrassment] Was THAT really your final project?!
FP: YEAH!
KATHY: That dragged down your GPA, didn’t it?
FP: Keep in mind, like I have such delusions of grandeur when it comes to myself. And like…
KATHY: [again, a tone of such shock and second-hand embarrassment] Did you think that was good?!
FP: Mom, you have no idea. I spent WEEKS on it. And okay I knew it wasn’t good, but compared to my other pieces from the semester, I was like it’s over for these people!
KATHY: Ohhhhh my goodness.
FP: Because keep in mind, my professor was relentless in telling me how bad I was at shading. The entire semester he was like, you're not good at shading. You don't know how to shade anything. And I would tell him that I did not understand what he meant. And he goes, where light does it hit? It needs to be dark. And I said I don't think you get it, sir. I'm dyslexic. What you're saying means nothing to me. I need you to show me. And the guy was an American who really wanted to be Italian, ala Hilaria Baldwin. After class one day he was like oh Francesca Pompili, you must be Italian. So I gave him the 411 on yeah my dad was born and raised here in Rome, etc, etc, and ever since that conversation he had such a tude with me. Like yeah, I can’t shade, but you’re giving me shade because I’m actually Italian and you probably said ‘expresso’ until the mid-2000s, you know?
KATHY: No, I do not know.
FP: So anyways, everyone else in my class was just so artsy. Good for them. I'm happy for them. I'm not so artsy. Also, I took that class because I last minute decided to do my art credit while abroad, and it was the only opening available. So when he asked me why I wanted to take his course, I told him, art is about being honest, I'm taking this class because it was the last one available. I think probably in the back of my mind, I was like, he's an artist! He will love that I have pluck. No, he might as well have told me to get plucked because he was so unamused by me. So, I just dug my heels in.
KATHY: Of course you did.
FP: Halfway through the semester he told me that I needed to go to his office hours because my shading was so offensive. And look, we are drawing naked people. Do I really need to go to the office hours of an air quotes art professor who seems to have taken a special interest in me? Eeeeek, I don’t know. Despite the overall persona, I didn’t ever feel uncomfortable around him, so I went to office hours, and he wasn't creepy. He was just, you know, wore little scarves. Anyways he’s explaining shading to me, without actually showing me. So I said, um so I hear you, but this means absolutely nothing to me because this is not how I learn. Would you be able to show me an example? And you know what this guy said to me? No. Next class, you need to think about my direction. That’s what he told me. It took everything in me to not be like, buddy, this isn’t the Met!
KATHY: So, now that you’ve expressed yourself, back to your final project. It was supposed to be a facial portrait of someone. You showed me yours and it looked like an FBI wanted poster. And not a good one.
FP: No yeah, it was bad.
KATHY: So, getting back to Festa Paper...
FP: Hold on, I’m writing down “I’m bad at art”.
KATHY: [laughing] So yes, what you’ve created and what you’re doing with Festa Paper is even more remarkable because you kinda sucked at art. What you’re doing is design.
FP: And creativity is a muscle. Use it or lose it. I use it so much more now than I did back in those days.
KATHY: Exactly. You do very, very well with your designs and what you have to do for Festa Paper. It’s more multimedia. You also design on the computer, you watercolor paint, you utilize texture, you utilize color theory. But other art forms? Not your area of strength.
FP: So much color theory. Well, thanks, Mommy.
KATHY: You’re welcome. Next question.
FP: Tomorrow is International Women’s Day. You were raised in a very traditional Latin family. Your mom was a first-generation Spanish-Peruvian and of course, Nonno was born and raised in Lima.
KATHY: Yes, a very traditional upbringing.
FP: You went to college, you had and have a career. But you also raised four kids, you maintain a house, etc, etc. But at the same time, I have always thought that you've had your things. You've always had your work as a nurse, your friends, your hobbies, your interests, and all of that. So yes, of course, you're my mom. But I've also always viewed you as an individual with their own interests. Sure, you do live and die for us, your children, but I feel like you've also always had your own identity and sense of self. Was that by design or out of necessity after having four children and attempting to not go crazy?
KATHY: I think it was just a natural thing. Look, I was born 60 years ago in a very traditional time, during my youth there was the Women's Movement, which was hugely disruptive for everybody, and all the anti-Vietnam War protests on college campuses. So it was a very tumultuous time from a social standpoint. I came from a very traditional background. I mean, my grandmother would serve my grandfather his dinner, you know, she’d put his plate down first, and then she'd get her plate. And that's what I saw. And when you live like that, you think okay, that's just the norm. Do I give your father his plate first? Yes. Not because I feel like a second-class citizen, but because I love him and I’m going to serve him first.
FP: You want to do nice things for your partner.
KATHY: You do. But because of the Women's Movement and all of those really strong messages, and of course, the 70s and then the 80s where women were like, get out there, go work, and network...it could be confusing straddling them both, let's say, cultures. So I worked until I had you. And then I stayed home for what? 15 years? Until you were in high school. But before that, because you kids were in school, I got involved with so many things at Nativity. Volunteer opportunities, which actually were great, because from running Art in Action, starting the school auction, and so many other things, I had my own identity.
FP: I think it also taught us to see and appreciate the value of community.
KATHY: Absolutely. And I hope it taught you and your brothers to give back to your community - if you’re a part of something, you do good by it. You’re not a passive participant. And it was long hours and hard work, but we made so many dear friends and I have such happy memories from it all.
FP: I pride myself on being fairly independent and having a strong sense of self. How do you think you instilled and nurtured that in me? Or do you think you just modeled it?
KATHY: You are incredibly observant. You remember everything down to what I wore when you were three years old.
FP: You need an alibi? Call me.
KATHY: Exactly. You remember conversations verbatim. It's like you're an idiot savant when it comes to that stuff. And it's kind of scary.
FP: I forget to pay my taxes, but I will remember exactly what you told me in 2004.
KATHY: Yeah so to answer your question, I think I just modeled it and you copied it. Because again, for better or for worse, you remember everything.
FP: This is a very broad question, but what do you think the biggest difference between being a woman in your day versus being a woman in my day?
KATHY: Hands-down, the freedoms you girls have now. We were so concerned about what other people thought because you would never want to shame your family or be the source of the town gossip. Your grandfather told me once, don’t ever shame your family’s name, which I think in this day and age of relativism, is good advice. These days, anything goes.
FP: Which isn’t entirely a bad thing.
KATHY: No, but it is a slippery slope.
FP: True. Okay, what are the similarities between your day and my day in terms of being a woman?
KATHY: The universal truth that will always remain is the family unit. One that supports and encourages you, is the basis for one’s success in life. Male or female. No matter what, if you have a strong family behind you, you are at an advantage. Family is the foundation.
*Mario, my father, enters the room after returning from his evening walk and proceeds to talk about a podcast, and changes his shoes.*
FP: Dad, would you like to give us a quote?
MARIO: I’m always ready to give a quote. If my wife still likes me and my children still want to have dinner with me, then I am happy. That’s all I need.
FP: How lovely, I will be sure to add that. Okay, bye, Dad!!!!
MARIO: Will you be done soon? Your mother and I have to watch 60 Minutes.
Author’s Note: I love bringing down the median age around here.
FP: Okay, getting back to it. What’s your favorite thing about being a woman?
KATHY: Easily, being pregnant and having kids. It was so exciting. I loved it.
FP: It’s wild that women just grow humans. Blows my mind every single time I think about it.
KATHY: I used to say labor was an E-ticket, which they don’t call them that anymore, to Disneyland. It was just so exciting.
FP: Hell yeah, girl! What a great way to look at it rather than dreading the inevitable pain.
KATHY: Francesca, don’t say hell. It was rough before the epidural, but after that, it was so much fun. I loved having you kids. And for Edward and Stephen, we didn’t know what we were having. It’s one of the few surprises in life, and we were just so excited.
FP: Did you ever think I would be doing something like Festa Paper?
KATHY: Absolutely not. You went to college to be a high school history teacher.
FP: But after I told you and Dad that I didn’t want to be a teacher, what did you think I was going to do with my life?
KATHY: Sales. Because you’re brave beyond belief. You will talk to anybody and you put yourself out there and don’t really fear rejection. I could never.
FP: Yeah because you’re too busy saving people’s lives.
KATHY: That has nothing to do with it, it’s just not my personality. So no, I never imagined you’d be doing something like Festa Paper.
FP: What do you appreciate most about paper?
KATHY: The different colors and textures and weights. How paper can be so many different things. I tell you when we were in Italy and I was looking for a gift for you and I went into that little store, I was in awe. The paper had been made by the same family, by hand, for over 100 years….
*My brother Joseph interrupts us, ugh!!*
FP: Joseph, I’m interviewing mom for my newsletter which you don’t subscribe to. Can you please leave?
JOSEPH: You’re right, I don’t subscribe.
We proceed to discuss what Joseph is cooking for dinner this week and asks my mom to fix the burn on his hand because apparently, we cannot do anything for ourselves around here.
FP: Okay, BYE JOE!!!!! So, mom, you were fascinated by the paper-making process of this family?
KATHY: Yes, I love seeing how things are made. Anything artisanal, I love. Wool, paper, bread, anything. I love watching how it is made.
FP: What is your favorite Festa Paper product? Obviously not The Kathy.
KATHY: I love the ones with saturated colors - the burnt orange, the brown, and that deep blue.
FP: So The Lou, The Arthur, and The Mayfield?
KATHY: Yes! Let’s look at all of them. [proceeds to pull up festapaper.com and go through every set of personalized stationery and compliment them. No one gasses you up like your mom].
FP: What do you hope to see in the future for Festa Paper?
KATHY: Sympathy notes, because well, I am getting of that age.
FP: Oh my gosh, are you kidding me?! That is so morbid!
KATHY: It is practical! And, more gift tags, notebooks, and calendars. I’m excited for all that.
FP: You’ve always been on the calendar train.
KATHY: Yes, but in general, I think now more than ever people see the value in a handwritten note. They see how important it is, because of this pandemic, to tell people that they’re thinking of them and they value them. Paper helps do that, so the world is really your oyster.
FP: What was the thing that surprised you most about Festa Paper?
KATHY: How funny you are.
FP: Oh my gosh, thank you! Wait, you didn’t think I was funny before this?!
KATHY: No of course I did! But some of the cards were just so funny. Very clever. I was surprised at the range. And look, some are a bit edgy, but that’s just generational.
FP: My favorite is, “Things could be worse, you could be ugly” because I’ve always said that.
KATHY: You have always said that, for years.
FP: It’s also my best seller, and it always plays. You had to cancel your wedding because of Covid? You broke up with your loser boyfriend? You didn’t get that promotion you wanted? You’ve just been having a rough go of it for a while? That card always plays. Life might blow, but hey, at least you’re not ugly!
KATHY: Do you ever think that’s a bit self-absorbed?
FP: No because I don’t just mean ugly on the outside. I can think of plenty of pretty people who are actually ugly because they’re simply not a pretty person. Ugly souls make for ugly faces.
KATHY: Ok Confucius.
FP: [laughing]
FP: Alright, to close out on a female note…being that I am the only girl and I have three older brothers, how do you think you raised me differently than my brothers?
KATHY: I’ve said it before, you raised yourself. You came out your own person and old soul. Also, a bit of a hurricane, and you don’t try and get in front of one of those!
FP: Oh my gosh, I did not raise myself! You and dad had your hands full.
KATHY: Certainly, and boys are busy. Your brothers were always roughhousing, walls were getting smashed.
FP: Ah the memories of hearing wrestling upstairs and then things getting very quiet, and then hearing you yell, “Boys, so help me God if you put another hole in that wall!”
KATHY: And guess what? There was a whole! Your brothers covered it with a poster for years.
FP: Is that why you would always complain that there was a draft in the house?
KATHY: Probably!
FP: Remember how you made them put their heads next to the hole to see who smashed it?
KATHY: I DID NOT!
FP: Mom, you did. It was so funny. It was the process of elimination. If it was your head, you weren’t the actual culprit.
KATHY: See, you really do remember everything.
FP: Okay, last question. Who is your favorite child and why is it Edward?
KATHY: I love all my children! You each bring something different to the table. Sure, you bring five courses, but that doesn’t mean I enjoy them more than your brothers!
*Joseph interrupts us, AGAIN!*
FP: Okay, last, last question because International Women’s Day. What’s your favorite part about having a daughter.
KATHY: Everything. You were born on my 34th birthday, so we share a birthday. We look very similar. I know what you’re thinking. Having a daughter, was so easy because I am you and you are me. We share that bond.
FP: We really do. I am you but with Dad’s feet, unfortunately.
KATHY: This is true. You can’t have it all, baby girl.
A huge thank you to my incredible mom. I feel so lucky to not only love my mom, but also really like her. My relationship with her is something I cherish.